As above, So below: The erotic Astrolog

We love Wyeth and all but we thought that it might be time to interview a real live astrologer who actually gets paid to ascertain the messages from the stars. This fellow, who goes by the name of H. Lector, writes for a lovely little graphic comic erotic site called------ www.myromancestory.com
We met him H. Lector in a strudel shop up in Astoria. He is a bit camera shy-you know those mystical like people-they sometimes think a picture is gonna steal their soul. This drawing, which we pulled from his site, www.myromacestory.com, looks vaguely like H. Lector. Same color hair, same quizzical, boyish look in his eye. After a brief discussion about our favorite colors, we got right to the point.

I hear that you are a real male astrologer. Is this correct?
No, but I play one on the internet.

It is rare to find a male astrologer. Most of them are lady gypsies or wacko hippies from upstate. And the men usually just harass us in the park with their tai chi and offerings to "do our charts." Point being, when I talk to a male astrologer, I just assume he's trying to get invited to my pants party. Is this a correct assumption?
Yes, this is pretty accurate. In an attempt to get laid, I am constantly telling women I meet in bars that I’m an astrologer. So far, it’s only worked once. But she did have hairy legs and arm pits. You know the type. You ask them what their sign is and say something about the Age of Aquarius and they totally put out.

What first drew you to the stars?
In high school, a friend introduced me to astrology. At the time, I thought it ridiculous that the planets had anything to do with our personalities and daily lives. He and I were debating it, and I asked him something about what it means to be a Leo.

He said that Leos possess qualities of exuberance, creativity, charisma and natural leadership ability. I suddenly realized that astrology is extremely accurate, and I should not be so quick to dismiss it. He also said something about Leo's egomania or something like that. So, astrology is not 100 percent accurate, but it’s pretty close.

If you could make love to any sign what sign would it be?
“Slippery when wet”

Do you really believe that certain signs are compatible with other signs or do you think it's just a bunch of hot air?
When you say “signs” you mean sun signs. A sun sign is one point in your chart, which is filled with hundreds of things to consider beyond your sun sign. These would include aspects, houses, other planets, chart shape, the ascendant, the descendent, and much, much more. Put all together in what is called a natal chart, the collection is entirely unique to you.

Whereas one in twelve people are Leos, no two people have the exact same natal chart unless they were born at exactly the same moment and in exactly the same place. Even twins have very different charts, because the ascendant, which is extremely important in natal astrology, moves a degree every four minutes. This shifts the entire placement of houses in the chart, which accounts for the little differences between genetic twins.

So, to answer your question, sun sign astrology is too superficial to really tell you much about what you can expect in a relationship. For example, if you’re a Leo and your partner is a Scorpio, you’re not supposed to get along. But if your partner has a moon in Leo and you have a moon in Scorpio, you're going to easily understand the other and vice-versa. You will still probably end up hating each other, but it will last a few months longer.

Lastly, we are dealing with an arcane practice that has not been put through the rigors of the modern scientific process. It may have some validity, and I believe it does. But to determine how and why would require extensive studies, which no respectable researcher would do, nor would anyone fund such studies unless they sought to dismiss the practice. So, you can't take astrology too seriously or no one will take you seriously.

The only LEOS i have known have been boys. Do girl Leos exist?

Um, heh-low!!! Have you ever heard of Madonna? Sheesh!!

Do you think that if two Leos got married their egos would be so overwhelmingly powerful that they would destroy each other?
Look at Madonna and Sean Penn. Leo and Leo can be a difficult combination. It only works if they learn to share the throne, which neither is usually inclined to do so. But again, Leo is one point in a chart.

What does it mean when people say "Mercury is in Retrograde?"
As I stated earlier, astrology is an arcane practice. So, we refer to the sun as a planet, hence “sun sign” astrology. This was because when those ancient hippies came up with this crazy stuff, they thought the Earth was at the center of the universe, and the sun was orbiting us. As such, some terms in astrology are still based on a geocentric universe.

When it is said that Mercury is in “retrograde,” it means Mercury is moving backwards in the sky. We know now that it only appears to move backwards. When you’re on a train and you pass one going slower than you, the other train appears to move backwards, especially if you are not aware that you’re moving forward as is the case with us here on Earth. So, sometimes we are gaining on Mercury on the course around the sun and it appears to move backwards.

Depending on the planet, it means certain things. Mercury is the planet of the mind. So, when it goes retrograde, expect to lose your keys and be generally absent minded for a while... or not.

Do you really think full moons make people looney tunes?
Look at it this way. Many of the elements (i.e. iron, carbon) that make up your body can only exist when formed inside a supernova explosion, which occurred billions of years ago. That means that there are atoms floating around inside of you that were once apart of a violent stellar event long before the Earth even existed.

Not to sound like a hippie, but we are made up of the detritus of the universal cycle of birth and death. That leads me to think that there’s a connection between us, the planet Earth, the other planets within the solar system, and every star in the universe.

So, when the moon is glowing full, a part of us will glow. If that part of you is crazy, it’s going to be obvious you’re a nutcase and you need help, you freak.